So where to begin.
Okay, so I come from a family of very tall Germans, and reached 5'7" at age 15.That in itself was a struggle because I always stood at least a head taller than all of my friends, including all the boys. Oh, I was devastated. Who would ever want to marry a girl who is a head taller than him? Hahah the things young teenagers worry about. So yes, around this time I also started gaining weight. And since I was tall, it was masked a little bit, but that didn't really change a whole lot. For a couple years I just ate whatever I wanted. No idea what portion control was, or the amount of exercise I really needed to be doing to work off all the food. I played a few years of basketball, and that was about it. And to add to it, I started eating to relieve stress and when I was bored. I was still being home schooled at this time, so it was no problem for me to just get fed up with a math problem, throw down my pencil and walk 5 feet to the fridge to get a snack. Oh, and how can I forget those late night munchies? Man was I a movie snacker. I love watching movies, and in my mind, movies just equaled popcorn with lots of butter. Duh. Again, the silent killer in all this was ignorance. I really, truly didn't realize how greatly these habits I was forming were affecting me.
So, you might say, well when did you realize there was a problem?
Guys, I will never forget that moment as long as I live. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was standing in the kitchen on day right after school, and of course, it was another reason to eat. Bring on the PBJ's! Okay people, I'm just letting you know right now that I am a peanut butter fanatic. Like I. love. Peanut. Butter. Peanut butter for me is like other girl's chocolate. So yes, I loved PBJ's. There I was, in my awful school uniform of tight khaki pants, belt and white shirt, making my third sandwich slathered in peanut butter, jelly and on pure white potato bread. I stopped midway while dipping the knife in the jar. What am I doing. I knew right then that I was out of control. It was so eye opening, and I panic ed a bit.
I knew right away that something was going to need to change. I hadn't gotten morbidly obese or anything, but was definitely overweight. At the time, I felt discouraged because frankly, I had zero self-confidence, was always and forever comparing myself to other girls, and was just flat out angry...and so, I ate even more! A vicious cycle. I was in a very low place, friends. I really don't think people understand how much pressure people are under to be perfect and to have the thinnest, most riped body. I would read magazines and want to cry every time I saw the models and how beautiful they were. I even remember going to see Hannah Montana: The Movie with my little sisters, and having such a terrible time watching it because all I could think of was, "Wow. What wouldn't I give to look that cute in my jeans." It was really a bad place.
I joined Weight Watchers with my mom, and that was honestly the first step to success. (I cannot recommend the program enough by the way!!) There I learned about portion control, what foods I should eat, and for the first time, I felt hope about success. I even lost some weight! That was when I was 15.
Fast forward to about a year ago. As time, stress and school took over, my fitness and health really suffered. I would exercise a few times, but my eating was bad. Pretty much whatever I wanted. I didn't revert back to lots of bad habits, but I had become discouraged and given up. But one day I got on the scale, and those numbers said I was the heaviest I had ever been. What a shocker. I was crushed. And those feelings of self-loathing just started to seep in.
But friends!! Oh friends, the grace of God broke in that day, and it's like my thinking was changed overnight. I had been praying for years for the Lord to deliver me and make me skinny. But then I saw that wasn't the point. The point was that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. I was fashioned by GOD as Hannah Leilani Hulme. Not the girl at church, or in the coffee shop, or in the movies. I was Hannah. And Hannah was perfect.
What a hope I now had. I immediately felt rejuvenated to lose the weight, this time, my attitude being one of wanting success because it was a good thing, not merely fleeing from what I hated. I came to see that I have to care for my body and help it by being healthy, rather than hating it and pretty much working against myself. You cannot lose weight unless your mind is in the right place. And here I am, 5 years later, and I am a testimony to that truth.
Since then I have been working out faithfully, being aware of every.single.thing that I eat, and I have been losing the weight! I still have my discouraging weeks believe me. The scale doesn't want to go down, I feel like I'm not making any progress, or I feel defeated. But in the end, I thank God because He alone is the one who delivered me from my constant thinking about food, and showed me that He alone is able to fill me and satisfy me. He is my strength.
Friends, let today be the day. What is keeping you? Take it from me, that if you step out and say you are willing to work and fight for this harder than anything you have before...the results will amaze you, and you will be blown away by how strong and capable you are. For YOU were created in the image of God, and YOU are perfectly, beautifully, and wonderfully made.
Before...
And after!
God is good!!
